Marriage is such an important subject to discuss given its massive impact on our lives. This section will not only help married couples navigate smoothly through their daily challenges but will also give single fellows a realistic analysis of what marriage is about. Laws of marriage are tricky to understand at first sight, but once you properly analyze its functions and principals, you will be able to build a temple of love and happiness, essential for stability and harmony in your life. You will become your partner’s home and she or he will become yours.

#1: Love always comes first

A genuine marriage must have strong love fundamentals. Marriage without love is like a tree without blossoms. Love must be at the basis of everything you decide to build with the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with. With heart and love  come values of honesty, integrity, and sincerity. And these are essential aspects to find a sense of happiness and oneness in marriage. There is no better feeling of success than when you speak the language of the heart with your partner. That wedded bliss where two become one will transform your life into an exciting trip of happiness and joy.

“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.”

– Tom Mullen

In some occurrences, you might see somebody marrying a girl because of her fame or wealth. The objective from this union is to rise in the eyes of society. This is purely a brain decision where the heart has been silenced and forced to stay quiet. We cannot call this a true marriage; this is merely a grotesque farce. Lying is poison to the heart – it will eventually cost you a lot. In other occurrences, you might see a girl tired from working long hours and succeeding in nothing else but surviving. She might fall for a quick-fix and marry a rich guy seeking financial security only. She is then selling a potential lifetime love for money, giving up on invaluable treasures that can only be opened by the union of hearts.

In both cases above, believing a marriage contract could be a cure-all cannot be furthest from truth. By getting married with no love for their partner, these individuals just ignited the flames of misery in their life. Always remember that you don’t need to be dependent on somebody to find health, wealth, guidance, or love in your life. You have infinite power within you that could be mastered through the methods outlined in this book. Never go for quick-fixes – they can only produce illusions for solving problems in the short-term. A long-term change in your life must come from honest introspection, a solid plan and hard work. Marriage is about love; it’s about two people coming together to walk on the path of fulfillment and joy. Now, happiness is a personal quest. Marriage can help but only you possess the key to what your heart desires.

Sooner or later, people who decided to get married for other reasons than love will have to face severe problems of discord, separation, or divorce. Because the fundamentals of love are absent, their marriage is nothing else but an ugly masquerade. They can post hundreds of fake kodak moments of happiness in social media to impress their entourage, but these will never solve the core of the issue. The essence of a true marriage is pure love. It is of prime importance as we are talking about spending our whole life with the same partner – why would you lie to your heart for that long?

As they say, “Never marry the one you can live with, marry the one you cannot live without.”

#2: These misleading fairytales

In 2014, she finally said yes, and I married the joy of my life. We promised to build together a warm nest of love and laughter in the best times and the worst, a whirlwind engagement full of glitter and sparkle. The honeymoon was great and was all about sex and siestas in breathtaking landscapes. We certainly knew how to love in the good times. But once this marriage appetizer was over, the main course was served, and I can honestly say that it was not the easiest to digest. Reality kicked in fast and the initial beautiful promises suddenly gave way to repetitive disputes. We were both very independent people and we had our own specific routines – and once we got married, we suddenly had to walk in the same direction, which was not necessarily suitable for both of us.

I was certainly expecting some bad times, but I did not expect them to happen that fast. More importantly, neither of us could understand why we were having these disputes. We loved each other after all. Then the first question that came up to my mind was: Is it possible they all lied to us about marriage?

If we think about it, we have been brainwashed about marriage from an early age. All the fairy tales that shaped our childhood and all these romance movies we have been watching affected our perception of reality. Most of these stories introduce and reinforce the idea of what Dr George Blair-West, a renowned psychiatrist, calls romantic destiny. According to him, romantic destiny is the notion that we stumble across the one who is right for us. Then destiny will take us along the path. We will get married and will live happily ever thereafter. Now, this idea of self-sustainable perfect love and passion we grew up with, is superb and beautiful but needs some adjustments to become practical in our day-to-day life.

If you look at statistics, people do fail at marriage – that’s just a fact. Researchers estimate that 41% of all first marriages end up in a divorce. This massive percentage only shows how unrealistically high our expectations are when it comes to marriage. And keep in mind the 59% that didn’t divorce are not necessarily happy. A lot of couples will not get separated for many social reasons (kids, social perception, financial dependence). Many find themselves lonely in marriage, misunderstood, not supported enough.

And don’t get me wrong, my purpose is far from drawing a gloomy picture about marriage. I only want to stress enough an important truth about this spiritual communion: it is not a fairytale where passionate love is sufficient. Love is key but we still need to do some extra work. In real life, a great marriage is not about a perfect prince charming saving an innocent princess who spends her days singing with birds. It is about imperfect couples caring for each other enough to learn to live in harmony by accepting their differences. You must add an additional friendship dimension to love to reinforce the bonds of this sacred union.

I strongly believe marriage can bring into your life more blessings than you can ever imagined, but the initial love requires to be constantly fueled with gestures of kindness and understanding of each other. Doing nothing and hiding behind unrealistic optimism only leads to great suffering. I genuinely believe marriage is of foremost importance in our quest for happiness. Now if so many people can’t make their marriage work, we can’t look away and not ask why. We must find the roots of these failures, so we tailor the right solutions. Therefore, it is necessary to make a clean sweep of our past idealistic perceptions, so we can redefine our goals and succeed in love.

#3: Semper fi in marriage

Now that we understand that love and passion are not enough to make a marriage a great success, we are going to go further in our analysis to discover what really makes a marriage complete and sustainable. In the next section, we are going to explore some methods that will help us stand by each other’s side on the good days and stand even closer on the bad days. True love is not only passionate but smart as well. Once you master the techniques of the pros, marriage will become an infinite source of joy, light, harmony, and love.

Semper Fi or Semper Fidelis, Latin for “always faithful”, has been the Marine Corps motto for more than a century. It embodies the promise to always remain faithful to the core values of honor, courage, and commitment in wartimes and peace. That reminds me a lot of the marriage vows in Christian wedding ceremonies: I take you to be my lawfully husband/wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. People from other  religions might use a different language but the intent is similar.

One thing is certain here; nobody can understand the true challenge behind this promise more than married people. Marriage is a mission sometimes more challenging than a core Navy SEALs operation. We must be ready to do the heavy lifting when necessary. A perfect marriage is about two imperfect people who decide to never give up on each other. Love is indispensable but love could be complicated. Your partner is the person you spend most of the time with. Truth is it will not always be easy to maintain peace and harmony in the couple. During these difficult times, remember when you were opening the doorway to your hearts through the eyes of each other. Remember the promises you made to each other.

Semper fi! Yes, there could be hard times, but you should never give up. You should not fail your promises because you love your partner. You should not let your ego control your emotions. You are the ultimate warrior – once you focus on making things better, nothing else can stop you. And don’t forget that marriage is a teamwork. Just remember to both ask guidance from your soul and you will get all the universe wisdom to sail successfully through all potential adversities as one, as a united force. A healthy marriage requires commitment, self-awareness, empathy, and willingness to grow and love.

The best way to build on the qualities above is to get more familiar with them. First read more books or articles about these qualities, and then debate them with your entourage. The more you think about a specific concept, and the more you discuss and exchange ideas about it, the more you will understand it and finally own it.