In Episode 1, we went through the usual misconceptions about marriage, and we understood the reasons why so many people fail in marriage. If we have to summarize these reasons, we find out that it’s mainly due to having the wrong expectations, and problems in properly communicating what we want from each other.  In marriage more than anywhere else, emotional intelligence is key to success.

A happy marriage is built when a loving heart meets an informed mind. Studies showed that successful couples share the following behaviors:

#1: Good understanding of each other:

Talk more to each other so you better know the values you share, your strengths and your weaknesses. Please each other more, hurt each other less and create more quality moments of joy and laughter in this home you are building together.

#2: Focus on the partner’s strength:

Find ways to keep negative thoughts away. Tell your partner ‘I appreciate/ I love/ I like that…in you’. Focus on positivity and increase the sense of companionship, warmth, and affection.

#3: Developed sense of empathy and acceptance:

Don’t get frustrated when your partner cannot understand you. Acknowledge we sometimes can’t even understand ourselves. Instead of getting into unnecessary disputes, communicate better by putting yourself in your partner’s shoes. Have empathy – we all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect and it’s better that way.

#4: Better expectations management:

Do not expect from your partner what you know he/she cannot give you.

#5: Mutual influenceability:

Share the power with your loved one. Being influenceable does not mean you are weak; it means you understand you must both look in the same direction to make it work. You are in marriage because you love and respect your partner. Make sure you respect her/him in the decision process as well.

#6: Reliability and continuous support:

When you make promises, make sure you follow through. When you say you are going to do something, mean it and commit to do it. It is irrelevant whether you succeed or not in what you promised, but you must always try to achieve it. This way, your partner’s reliability feeling towards you, will keep growing. It is of prime importance to know that you can rely on each other. Be the number one supporter for your partner and help your loved one grow into who she/he wants to become, not what you want her/him to become.

#7: Good conflicts management skills:

As this is a crucial task to master, we must give it the importance it deserves. In the next episode, we will discuss Dr. Gottman’s proven method to manage marital conflicts, prevent emotional flooding and deescalate tensions.

#8: Keeping the spark alive:

Have sex… a lot. Couples in their 30s typically have sex twice a week, and couples in their 40s and 50s have sex once per week. Do not hesitate to ask your partner for what you like/wish to perform. Having more quality sex not only improves your immune system, but also increases the sense of intimacy, self-esteem, belonging, and oneness in the couple. Do not plan when and where, just have more sex.

Keep falling in love

The beauty about matters of love and happiness lies in their infinity. You can always be happier, and you can always keep falling in love. The joy has no limits, and all its pleasures are most welcome. In marriage and in all matters of life, you must keep working on improving your skills. We can always be better people, so why stop growing?

Misunderstanding each other is the main source of disputes between married men and women. We are indeed two different species, and I wouldn’t be surprised to know that we come from two different planets. So, when you finally understand that women don’t process things the way men do, you already have 90% of the solution you’re seeking. In fact, we just don’t express ourselves or interpret stuff in the same way. See, a nagging wife is only a woman that seeks her man’s attention. From her perspective, she’s trying to pass an implied message and she only gets persistent because she profoundly cares about the relationship. We, men, have issues to understand this because we are much more straightforward in our approach. “Why can’t she just say what she has to say directly?” But that’s just not the way women operate.

Moreover, when a woman complains about something bothering her, what usually happens is that her partner tries to actually come up with the solution to her problem. And it usually goes like this, “You should just do this or that, and you’ll be fine.” Then she gets upset, the husband doesn’t understand what’s going on, and they both spend the rest of the weekend fighting for no reason. A piece of advice for men: when women complain, they just want you to listen and acknowledge that things are not always easy for your partner. Don’t try to find a solution – that’s not what she’s always asking for. Now as a man, I have a suggestion for women: please don’t try to change or mother your partner. A man is much more fragile than he usually looks. Most of the time, he just needs the support of his wife, and he will respect her for that.

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”

– Mignon McLaughlin

We can always become better supporters, better friends, or better lovers. It is true that marriage comes with responsibility, but as long as we breathe, we deserve to be happy. Be creative in marriage and never stop dating your partner. If you have kids and feel like you’re not having enough intimate moments with your partner, you can create a night date for example. That would be the opportunity to take a break from the usual routine, and rediscover being a lover, and not just a parent.

Build a temple of love where you cherish each other. Keep flirting and keep having crazy sex. Love and be loved by the person you love. Remember the entire universe is within you – Shine in marriage and let love flow through you with no restrictions. This is your duty towards yourself and your partner, for the simple reason you deserve to be happy.